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Si Dra. Holmes ay nagsusulat sa Abante tuwing Lunes, Miyerkules, Biyernes at sa Abante TONITE tuwing Martes at Huwebes. Sulatan siya sa TONITE o paki-email siya sa doktoraholmes@ yahoo. com Ikinalulungkot niya na hindi niya kayo masagot nang personal.
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Madonna or prostitute? Dear Dra. Holmes: I’m here in Kuwait & it’s my first time to view you website. But when I was in the Philippines I’m a regular reader of your column. I just wanna ask what’s the reason behind why men lose their appetite in sex? I’m just a newly wed, to be exact for three months but there is something changes about my husband’s sexual behavior and it makes me paranoid. Is he sick or he is having an affair to others that’s why when it comes to me he don’t have time for that? Thinking it too much makes me crazy. Please, dra. I need your help badly! Hoping for your immediate response. Thanks & more power. God bless you.
MARLENE
Dear MARLENE: Many thanks for your letter. Because your husband didn’t confide in me, I don’t really know why he changed sexually. Sometimes, when men get married, they tend to put their wives on a pedestal along with their mothers and sisters. To some men, their wives metamorphose from being their alluring girlfriends with whom they can have mind-boggling sex to a proper wife with whom sex is primarily to procreate. This woman, after all, is now the mother of his children. Parang ‘di bagay (it’s not fitting) to have any other kind of sex but "proper sex". Some men cannot conceive of a woman being both still his sexy playmate and yet also his beloved wife and responsible mother of his kids. A man like this is guilty of having a false dichotomy, specifically, the Madonna-Prostitute dichotomy. For him, women are either Madonnas to be respected (wife, mother, etc.) or whores to have sex with. Many Filipinos (but thankfully not all) have been raised to have this sort of mentality. Why not see if you can talk to your husband about your feelings and see what he says. If, however, all he does is deny to death, then ask him if you can both go to a therapist to work things out. Hindi naman siguro puwede na three months lang kayo tapos nawalan na siya ng gana kaagad (it is unlikely for a man to lose interest in his wife after a mere three months) something’s gotta give and it shouldn’t be you. (Kailangang may magbago, at hindi ito ang iyong pagtanggap sa sitwasyon). Hope this helps. Ingat—MG Holmes
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